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Three Keys to Selecting a Premarital Counselor
by Christine Pembleton
So, you and your boo have been dating for a while, and you're seriously considering getting married. Deciding to get married is a combination of a mutual connection between you and him, a desire to commit to each other for a lifetime, and proper consultation. So many people have entered the bonds of matrimony, without seeking any advice on what marriage is or what is required from both the husband and the wife. As you and your beloved consider marriage, consider selecting a pre-marital counselor together, as one of the many decisions you will make as one.
Pre-marital counselors come in a wide variety these days and include marriage counselors, marriage coaches, pastors, ministers, elders, deacons, and even parents. As you select a counselor to sit with and consult with, here are a few tips to keep in mind.
1.) The counselor of your courtship remains forever God
God is the one who has the wisdom and understanding you need to make wise choices. He is the only one that knows the heart of a man. (Psalms 44:21) As you sit down with your special someone and seek counsel, remember that everyone in your counseling session is seeking God's leading for what to say, and how to digest the outcome of your sessions. Your counselor should have a respect for God and His Word, and use it as a reference in your sessions. Even if there are things you don't agree with or understand, the Word is the foundation we all rely on. After your session, you can refer to the Word and ask the Lord for additional guidance.
2.) The counselor should be impartial, offering observations, and things for you to consider.
Many people seek their Pastors to provide pre-marital counseling, which is a viable option. But if one of you has a closer relationship with that Pastor than the other, the counseling can quickly become one sided and only one person’s role or perspectives being addressed. Your counselor is a spiritual guide, providing Biblical and relevant feedback on marriage, and the life you could share together in the future. If you believe your counselor can be impartial to both of you, then that person can be a welcomed companion as you make the decision to be married or not.
3.) The counselor should be currently in a happy marriage, or have been in a happy marriage.
Even though the Bible is the source of your counseling, a counselor’s words and advice can easily be tainted with their own experiences concerning marriage. Suppose the person has been the victim of adultery or suffered emotional abuse. Maybe their spouse is the one that is unhappy. You don't have to pry into the personal business of your counselor, but happy people act happy, content with their lives and hopeful for the future. If you mention marriage to that person, and they either change the subject or offer an uncomfortable response, odds are they have experienced or heard of experiences in marriage that could alter your views of marriage in an unhealthy way. Maybe you've caught them at a bad time at life, and that's okay. All you and your companion have to do is seek the right person to counsel with, at the time you and he need the counseling.
If you take into consideration these keys, you will feel more comfortable sitting down with your pre-marital counselor. The decision of marriage is such an important decision. You want the best people walking with you through this journey.
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