How Do I Trust Someone Again?
Cecilia, an attractive woman, was at the bar of a local hotel during Happy Hour. She was trying to get back into the dating scene after she and her fiancé ended things a year ago.
Needless to say, she was nervous about the men she’d meet, and really didn’t know if she was ready to start dating again. Her fiancé was the perfect man, or so she thought. She was having a hard time coming to the reality that things would never have worked out between them, and that it was time to move on.
So, she sipped her beverage and tried to make eye contact with the man standing across the room. He didn’t look like her fiancé, but she couldn’t help but worry that she would make the same mistake of misreading the signs and falling for a man who wasn’t right for her.
So, instead of taking the risk, Cecilia just paid her bill and went home that night. He couldn’t hurt her if they never met.
As I think about Cecilia’s situation, I know that there are many other women in this same place. Men and women break up all the time – leaving the people in that relationship hurt, disappointed and wary of the future.
But if you want to date again and fall in love with the right person, here are some tips to help you trust your heart again.
Give yourself enough time to grieve the loss of your relationship. When you’re getting over someone, you’re not just getting over the loss of the good times. You’re also grieving the loss of any future happiness you hoped to experience. Each person is different, as well as each relationship, so there is no set time. But if you feel pain, anger, sadness, or unfounded hope in the man coming back – it’s too soon to start dating anyone else. You don’t want to feel numb, but get to the point where you can accept what happened with a sense of peace.
Pay attention to the pulling of your heart. It’s time to get back on the “dating” horse when you start wanting companionship (or you start envying someone else’s loving relationship). Your heart knows what it needs. If you want to enjoy love then it’s probably time to get your body, mind and soul ready to start meeting people.
- Accept the risks of love. You are guaranteed to experience love but you can’t control who it comes from. There is always a risk that the person you love will change, want something different or move on. But that’s no reason to give up on love altogether. Learning the warning signs and also the signs of a genuine person can hedge the risk and keep your heart safe.
Have you had to put yourself out there after a failed relationship? What did you do to start dating again? How did you learn to trust again?
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How do you deal with people who are actively opposing you getting together with anyone?
Hi Anjanette. I don’t see how these people can keep you from having someone in your life. You’re the one making the decisions, right? So you can decide to listen to them or ignore them. I choose — Ignore them!
I am grieving the loss of a man (we’re no longer together) and it is VERY difficult. Every day the thoughts of what happened have been going through my head; I recall everything that was said and done–the mistakes I made and the ones that he made too. It has made me question everyting–including the purpose for him coming into my life–but then everything ending. I usually go through the entire spectrum of emotions each day. I look at the phone and I remember that he isn’t going to call me. I am finding that the best way to get through this is think about the great things and possibilities coming in the future–even though I do not feel it right now. My hope is kind of low right now and I feel angry and lots of fear regarding what will happen next. I don’t think he is coming back, and I don’t think I would even want him to. It just really sucks going through this–and the anger that I have is because I didn’t follow my first mind and end things sooner. It was a very BAD and ANGRY parting. I just pray that God will bless me with someone else in Jesus’ name–because it’s like miscarrying (not as severe) but similar in theory. I’ve been on a few dates with guy friends but I am definitely not “present” with them. I feel like I keep doing everything wrong and that other women are smarter than me–even though I am a pretty smart lady. The hardest part is accepting that it is over. But it’s kind of like accepting the Earth is a sphere. It doesn’t matter whether I believe it or not–the facts still remain. I do not know how everything will end up–I just have been asking God to help me throughout the day. Some days are good, some, not so much. But I guess the REAL problem is that I feel like I am back at square one after months of personal progress.
Hi Brown Sugar. Sorry for the late response. I COMPLETELY understand how you’re feeling. It’s a process for sure, one that we take each day. But step by step, you should feel better if you have friends and family with you along the way. Loving yourself is truly the best medicine, in my opinion. If he can’t love you better than you love yourself, what exactly are you missing?